Wednesday, June 30, 2010

6dpiui #1 ; 5dpiui #2 ~ Feeling GREAT!

It’s Wednesday! I have less than a week until I find out either the best news of my life or the worst. Ok, maybe it won’t be the WORST, but it will definitely be a sad day if I don’t hear “CONGRATULATIONS!”

Monday was my first day of starting the progesterone gel suppository (vaginal). Thankfully I only have to do that every other morning for now, because it’s not a very pleasant experience…but as I have said all along; “I’m not complaining about any of this!” The nurse did tell me however, that when I get a positive pregnancy test, I will be put on a stronger progesterone suppository…YAY! (sense the sarcasm) But hey, whatever…and I do mean WHATEVER it takes to be successful and have a beautiful healthy full term baby…we WILL do it!

Yesterday was probably one of the first days that I felt that I could possibly be pregnant. I was constantly hungry and ate more than I ever eat in one day. I went home for lunch and had 4 slices of left over pizza, a tomato sliced up and several (I don’t even want to know how many) Oreo cookies, along with two full glasses of milk. Then at dinner we met my dad and I ate an entire 12 oz ribeye steak, salad, and baked potato. Again, that is not normal for me. Today when I woke up I had a bit of cotton mouth (weird thing was, DH did too)! On my way to work I stopped for some biscuits and gravy at Hardee’s…YES, HUNGRY AGAIN! Then I think to myself, this can’t be an early pregnancy symptom, because today just marks 6dpiui. It takes 6-10 days for the little fertilized bean to make its way down the fallopian tubes and snuggle in nicely. Your body doesn’t know it’s pregnant until implantation…right? RIGHT?

Dear Lord, please let there be a little bean in there ready to find a cushy place to settle in and grow nice and strong.

Anyway, over the past few days DH and I have been discussing baby names. We both have a strong feeling that we will have a little girl, but trust me; as long as it’s healthy the sex doesn’t matter to us!! But last night over dinner we were discussing names with my dad to get his thoughts and opinions on names. We told him our two top picks (right now anyway), and he didn’t seem to like either of them. I am very set on the middle name GRACE. It was because of God’s Grace that we are even together and in love and making a little one, so that is going to be her middle name (if in fact she is a she). We have tossed around several names, but right now we like Miranda Grace and Isabella Grace.

I have to admit that I’m starting to have that feeling: “if this doesn’t happen I’m going to let EVERYONE down!” We have so many people praying and supporting us through this journey, that I just don’t want to let them down. I definitely don’t want to let DH down. He has been my source of strength and faith. I am so blessed to have him as my partner not only through this, but in life as well.

Well, that’s it for now…let’s see how I feel tomorrow.


Monday, June 28, 2010

A Busy Week

Sorry for no blog update last week. It was kind of a crazy few days for me. Monday was CD12, so first visit into the doctor since CD3 to check b/w and u/s to see how I have progressed. I was sure I heard the doctor (not my doctor, but another doctor in the practice) say I had a 19 on my left and a 13 and 15 on my right. I would have bet money that those were the numbers she said. She said that depending on the results of my b/w I would take 2 more days of the Follistim injections and then come back on Wednesday for more b/w and another u/s. Later that day I got a call from the nurse saying that I was to keep taking the same dose of the Follistim (50iu) Mon & Tues nights and come back on Wednesday.

Tuesday came and it was not a good day for me. I started feeling nauseous and dizzy before ever leaving the house for work. I lasted about 2 hours and then had to have Jennifer and Angie get me home (one driving me in my car, the other following). I spent the remainder of the day in bed or by the toilet praising the porcelain god. I was wondering how I would ever manage to give myself the injection…but I did. Around 10:30pm I did an OPK (I’ve been doing them every night since CD9). Believe it or not, it came up positive. All I could think about was that I was going to miss my “chance” this cycle since the kit came up positive.

Wednesday morning came around and I asked DH to go with me to the doctor’s office just in case they wanted to have a sample because of my +OPK. After my own doctor did my u/s, he said that he had to wait for b/w to confirm, but I had not in fact ovulated yet, but was very close by the looks of my u/s. He said I had a 20 on my left (the 19 I guess only grew a little), but he said all on my right were under 10!! That really confused me since just on Monday the other doctor said I had a 13 and 15!! But my lining that was at 7 on Monday was now at 9, which was really good. He said that it looked like I would be coming in on Thursday for my IUI. He also said that since my body was ovulation on its own, I would not need to do the Ovidrel injection to induce ovulation!

Thursday morning DH and I were at the doctor’s office bright and early (first one’s there)!! I had taken the day off so that I could go home after my procedure and just lay down. I figured it couldn’t hurt anything…right? At 11am Thursday morning the doctor gave me my 1st ever IUI. DH had 19mm post wash little guys and 95% motility! GREAT NUMBERS…according to the doctor, anything over 10mm and 60% motility is good. The only down side was that my progesterone (the level showing ovulation) was only at .77 and it should be between 1-3. He gave us two options, to do the BD that night, or come in the following day for another IUI. The choice was OBVIOUS! We would come back Friday for another shot to double our chances.

Friday morning once again we were at the doctor’s office before anyone else. I gave more blood and DH gave more of himself! I didn’t take this day off, so I had to leave work and drive to the doctor’s to be there at 11 again. Today’s numbers were even better…27mm and 100% motility! I just couldn’t believe that his numbers went up given that he had just given his sample the day before. It was a GOD thing!

Today is Monday, 4 dpiui#1 and3 dpiui#2. I am doing a lot of praying and keeping an upbeat attitude. I’m giving God all the glory and praise. I can’t believe that on July 6th I could get the best news of my life!


Monday, June 21, 2010

CD12...What Next?

Well, this morning was my CD12 visit to the RE which included bloodwork and an ultra sound to see how my follicles have reacted to the medication. I was a little nervous and anxious as to what the plan would be from this point forward. As the doctor was doing my ultra sound, I heard her say "7" which I am thinking was my uterine lining thickness. She then said I had a 19mm in my left ovary and a 15mm and 13mm in my right ovary. She seemed hopeful and told me that things were "progressing nicely", but I wasn't quite there yet. Six and 1/2 hours later I got the call from the nurse as to what to do now. Looks like I will be taking 2 more injections of the follistim at the same dosage (50iu) tonight and tomorrow night. I then go in on Wednesday for another follow up appointment for more bloodwork and ultra sound.
If things progress as they are, then I should be looking at doing my IUI possibly Friday which is a good day, because then I can relax all weekend.
I've also come to the conclusion that I will stay away from the message boards, like Fertile Thoughts while I'm on my 2ww. I know it is going to be hard, but I am so analytical and I read into everything, that it would just not do me any good to be on there every day like I am now.
I'll be back with a follow up on Wednesday.


Thursday, June 17, 2010

The Difference Between 2 Shots

Tuesday night was my 1st shot of Follistim. In the morning I wasn't so worried or nervous but as the day went on and the hours flew by the anxiety started to sink in. I don't know if it was a mix of the anxiety or something else, but while we were on our way to meet dad for dinner, I suddenly got very dizzy. I was feeling like I was on that old fair ride The Gravatron (do you remember that ride?) I reclined the seat and closed my eyes hoping that would help, but it didn't seem to do the trick. I felt weird for the rest of the drive. Even thinking about it now makes me feel queasy. Thankfully when we started to eat dinner I felt a little better. Who knows, maybe my body was telling me it was time to give it some nourishment.
Since my shot had to be given at 8pm, and we were in the car on our way home...I had to give myself the shot while riding in the car. I was so nervous and anxious that I was holding the injection pen and ready to shoot 10 minutes before 8!! When it finally came time to do it, I stuck it in my tummy and realized I never set the dosage dial....HELLO...boy did I feel stupid!
Anyway, after setting the dosage dial, I stuck it in again and it was a piece of cake! I felt so proud of myself for giving myself this injection that was going to help us become pregnant. I really felt on top of the world.
That feeling didn't last long though....
Within 15 minutes I was feeling loopy and not myself. DH actually said that I sounded like I was drunk. I think that he is just saying that though, because I don't recall that being the case. Then I started to feel very tired. When I got home, I changed clothes and crawled into bed. For the next hour and 1/2 I could  not get comfortable. I wanted to lay on my side, and I couldn't. I'd lay on my back then I'd get a sharp pain in my right side, but it would only last a few seconds. A few minutes later I would get a sharp pain on my left side that would only last a few seconds. FINALLY, I fell asleep...thank goodness!
Frankly I started to think that this was God's way of saying...."your dosage is enough, don't question the doctors and most of all, don't question what I can do!" You see, since Saturday when they gave me my dosage information, I had been struggling with it, I just didn't think it was "enough" to do the job. Now I know, that I shouldn't question what I am being told in regards to this medicine!

Last night's injection went so much smoother. No reaction at all. I was so thankful to Him. Since the start of this journey I have given it all to Him, except for Saturday-Tuesday when I was questioning this medicine dosage. He showed me I needed to trust in Him again. To have FAITH! This little baby will be our miracle from Him, and we have FAITH that we will be greatly blessed.

I have 4 more nights of injections, but I can handle it. I just keep praying that those little "follies" grow and become strong eggs for.


Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Update...the ride has started!

Ok, once again I know that I have slacked on updating this, but I have just had so much going on. I have got to manage my time better.

Anyway, I WAS able to get into the RE’s office this past Saturday morning for blood work and an ultra sound. Everything looked good and I stared my Femara (5mg) Saturday evening. I will take that for 5 days, making Weds. my last night of that medication (CD3-CD7). I start 50ui of Follistim on Tuesday night (tonight). The nurse said that it was very important that I take my injection at 8pm every night for 6 nights. That would be Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I go back in on Monday, June 21st which is CD 12 to see how I have progressed with the medication. I have to admit, I have been driving myself crazy about what seems to be a low dose of Follistim because just about everywhere I have read women usually start out at 75ui for six days. This was driving me nuts so bad that I called the nurse yesterday just to make sure of the dosage. The nurse confirmed that I was definitely supposed to only take the 50 due to my PCOS. They don’t want to risk the chance of me over stimulating. I have to admit, I’m kind of hesitant about this. She did say that if after my ultrasound and blood work on Monday it looked as though I needed more, then I would be put on more Follistim at that point. Goodness, I hope not. I want to be ready at the right time.

Anyway, I have been taking the Femara for 3 days now, and let me just say that this is SOOO much better than the Clomid ever was. I don’t have any of the bad side effects I had when taking the Clomid. I pray that all of this is going to do the trick.

I’ll keep you posted!


Friday, June 11, 2010

Now they tell me

Ok, so this past Wednesday was 6 days past stopping the Prometrium and I had still no breakthrough bleeding. To my surprise, Aunt Flo had not shown her ugly face, and for once, I was really hoping and praying to see her. I was actually a little concerned, so I gave the nurse at the RE's office a call to see what she suggested. While I had her on the phone, I also mentioned the fact that I had been extremely tired and been having some rise in my temps at night. I told her that it wasn't anything I was too concerned with. I had expected that it was probably due to the prometrium, since progesterone is known to have that effect on some people. She was a little  concerned that my AF had not arrived as well. Matter of fact, her exact words were, "if it was going to work, you would have had your bleeding start by day 5". HELLO, this was day 6 and there was no sign of anything happening! She suggested that I take a HPT, (what??? I knew there was no way possible for this), and that if I had not started by Sunday, to come in on Monday at 7am and they would do bloodwork and ultra sound. If my values were all baseline, then they would consider that as though it was CD3, and I would start my Femara and the rest of the regimen. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I don't have to actually have a period to start the IUI process? If this is the case, why did they even bother putting me on the Prometrium to begin with? I totally feel like I have lost over 14 days of time while I was on that stupid progesterone to begin with.
I've spent the past two days kind of researching this, and it seems like there are other women who have gone through this as well. So, I guess that eases a little of my doubts and worries, but I'm still kind of boggled by the whole thought of getting starting while no actually on a period.
Anyway, I actually called the nurse this afternoon and left a message asking if I can possibly come in tomorrow morning (Saturday) to have my  u/s and bw done. I know it's just jumping ahead a couple of days, but I just don't want to risk the chance of missing the right window. I'll update and let you know if I go tomorrow instead of Monday.


Monday, June 7, 2010

Just a little update and an awakening!

I’m sorry that I have not updated my blog in a couple days, but it always seems that the weekend gets the best of me. Saturday and Sunday are the two days I have to catch up on things around the house that got neglected or passed on during the week. I’ll be honest, when I work all day and come home…you are lucky to get a dinner and a clean kitchen after that. I just don’t have the energy or “want to” to get up and clean the house or work in the yard or do laundry. I especially don’t have that energy while taking some of this medicine.

Anyway, Thursday night I took my last pill of Prometrium. I thought that once I stopped that the high temps would stop and the fatigue would stop too. I also figured that AF would arrive by Sunday…wishful thinking I guess. It’s now Monday morning, and still no sign of AF. Saturday night I had a little bit of cramping in my lower back and sides. I thought that was a good sign that Mother Nature was about to make her appearance…but I think she was playing games with me, or something else was causing the cramps because I don’t normally have them, even when AF is approaching.

My Sunday School teacher (it’s called Life Group at my church) was really preaching his message to me today. I felt over-come and had to wipe back the tears several times because I felt that the Lord was using him to speak to me, and I spent the rest of the day thanking the Lord for telling me what I needed to hear. The lesson was about insecurities and that we should have NO REASON to feel insecure because the Lord made us in HIS image and exactly how he wanted us to be. For example, Mr. T (my teacher) was blessed with a speech impediment…that’s right, I said BLESSED! With that he is able to have compassion for others that have speech impediments.

For years I have been insecure about the fact that I was unable to conceive a child just like most other women. As young girls we are surrounded by the thought and dream of one day having that prince charming and children of our own. For me, that just didn’t happen. I struggled for years with infertility and it made me insecure as a woman, and to be quite honest, for many MANY years it was like I cursed God for making me this way. I didn’t understand why there were women who could get pregnant just by looking at them, or so it seemed. Many of them didn’t even care or want a child. Then there was me, a girl who never was “promiscuous” so to speak, a girl who was a Christian girl and one who wanted a baby more than anything in the world. I prayed all the time for a baby and didn’t understand why I just didn’t have the prayers answered.

It took me a few years, and a divorce from my first husband to really understand the reason for “my unanswered prayers”. My 1st marriage was not a marriage that a child should be brought up in. I also, being a child of a divorced couple, swore I would never raise a child in a divorced family. If I would have had children with my ex husband, I would still be married to him, and probably living a miserable life, just so my child would not have to live in two separate homes.

It was the insecurity part that I was still struggling with. I just didn’t feel like a whole woman, because of this “malfunction” in my body. I had my faith in God, that he would bless us (my current hubby and I) with a baby, but I was still holding onto that insecure feeling…UNTIL YESTERDAY.

Yesterday I let that feeling go. I was made WONDERFULLY, and I know now that if I had not been made this way, I would have taken motherhood for granted. I would have never really understood what other women who had the problems and the difficulty to conceive felt when they first saw that tiny little heartbeat on the ultrasound screen or to hold their own precious little baby in their arms. I will NEVER take motherhood for granted, and I will BLESS HIM with everything and give HIM all the glory and honor he deserves for each little miracle that he molds and makes for every woman who has and will struggle with her infertility. Maybe it’s a test, I don’t know…but I want to be able to pass with flying colors. For HE is the creator of EVERYTHING, I’m just the tool for which to bring it into the world.

Today I have awoken with a renewed strength and energy. I know that my God still hears and answers prayers and HE knows the true desires of my heart. I am no longer saddened or insecure of my infertility, but honored that He felt I was strong enough to be blessed with it.


Tuesday, June 1, 2010

A Weekend In Bed

So much for the holiday weekend! Believe it or not, I spent most of the time in bed, sleeping! Of course it was raining most of the time, so it made sleeping the perfect thing to do. I just felt so un-productive this weekend when I had so much planned to do. The only thing I did get done was the laundry, thank goodness. I also had a temperature most of the weekend as well, and I think that I have come to the conclusion that it is from the Prometrium (progesterone pill) instead of the Levothyroxine (thyroid medication). I’ll know for sure by this Friday, since Thursday is my last night of taking the progesterone.

I’ve been spending so much time reading the Fertile Thoughts forum pages. I could spend from sun up to sun down reading all the posts on there. I’m saying little prayers for all those great women who long to hold their precious little babies in their arms just as much as I do.

Anyway, I made it into work today, even with a slight temperature. I feel fine, other than being tired and weak. My lower back is a little sore too, but I’m keeping with my motto that “There’s nothing to complain about, because it will all be worth it in the end!”

Until next time…