The past few weeks have been a haze for me. I have had moments where I felt completely normal then times where I was just simply numb at what we had been put there. To be quite honest, I don't like what each heartbreak does to not just me, but my husband, my friends and most importantly, my family. They have been so supportive from one struggle to the next and have been praying relentlessly for our hearts to be filled with the love of a baby of our own.
With each slight glimmer of hope, we have joyfully shared the news with our parents, our church family, our close friends...and even people we meet in our day to day lives. They get wrapped up in the excitement of the news of a new baby and make all kinds of plans and purchases with the greatest anticipation, and then... the bottom falls out, the rug gets pulled out from under our feet, and we are faced with another heartbreak and let down. With this last heartbreak, someone was in control of our happiness and our dreams. We put all kinds of trust and hope into someone elses hands, only to be hurt YET AGAIN!
Honestly, I hate what this does to us. It breaks our wills, our trust of others, and takes away our joy that we should have when it really does happen for us. We kind of feel like the boy who cried wolf, and that no one will even be remotely excited for us at any announcement of a "baby on the way".
Isn't that just sad?
I mean, I am not looking for sympathy here. Quite the contrary. I just hate that it hardens our hearts to what should be such an amazing time for us.
That's why we are starting with a new beginning. Great things are to come. I feel the brush of angels wings, and I feel amazingly at peace, even though my heart has been crushed and broken time and time again. I just know that something absolutely beautiful is in our future. However, we have made the conscious decision to keep any "exciting news" to ourselves, at least for the time being. For our own self preservation. For us to avoid any type of negative comments or remarks. Frankly, we don't need them. We have been there, right in the center of it, so we don't need a constant reminder of it. Leave the negativity at the door, is basically my thoughts.
Just know that we are in a happy place right now. I believe that God is listening to our prayers, and just whispering..."BE STILL", so that is what we are going to do.
Monday, April 2, 2012
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Heartbreaking News
Hey friends. Just wanted to update you to let you all know that sadly, the adoption fell through. It was ultimately our decision, but as you can imagine it was a difficult one to come to. The little guy was born on March 21st a little after 11pm, and he was healthy. About 5 days prior to his birth, the birth mother became a little wishy washy after a heart to heart with the baby daddy. Supposedly, he had been manipulating her through this whole pregnancy, making her think that if she went ahead with the adoption that they would be able to start a relationship again when in all actuallity his plan was to hit the bricks as soon as the baby was born an he signed over his rights for the adoption. Although she wasn't coming right out to tell me that she reconsidered...my heart and gut just had that feeling. To be honest, I think that she expects to have a forever hold on him with keeping the baby.
I can't understand why the Lord takes us down these roads sometimes and why we face heartbreak after heartbreak...but I am keeping my faith that something better is just around the corner.
Thank you for your prayers.
I can't understand why the Lord takes us down these roads sometimes and why we face heartbreak after heartbreak...but I am keeping my faith that something better is just around the corner.
Thank you for your prayers.
Monday, March 5, 2012
In God's Time
Well, I know that I have been keeping some hanging onto the edge of their seats for this "so-called" big announcement. So...without further lingering...
In just a little of three short weeks, we will be welcoming a new addition. Our little miracle, thanks to the beautiful gift of adoption.
In just a little of three short weeks, we will be welcoming a new addition. Our little miracle, thanks to the beautiful gift of adoption.
We feel so incredibly blessed and are thanking God daily for this amazing gift. You know, it's crazy how you put so much into trying to have a baby. All the needles, doctors appointments, strict regiments to try to be successful. Then, after all the years and tears and heartbreak, God taps you on the shoulder and says, "I have better things planned for you". My wonderful husband says it best..."God doesn't work things out for the good of one, but for the good of MANY". This little baby needed a loving home. Parents who would adore and cherish the blessing of having a child of their own...even if their blood didn't flow through his veins. The birth mother of this baby, needed the reassurance that this little one would be loved and cared for and have what it needed, knowing that she couldn't provide that for him. Praise God that she didn't decide to terminate this pregnancy early on.
There is no denying that this is a little boy, and we have chosen the name: Dalton Kain.
She is scheduled to be induced on March 28th, so in just a little over 3 weeks, we will have a little baby in our arms.
I'm so excited and there is so much to share, but that is my announcement for today.
Thank you for your continued prayers during this time.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Big News Coming Soon!
I know it has been such a long time since I posted, than some of you might have even stopped following me.
BUT...
Don't go anywhere. We will be having some big news coming in the next few days, so stay tuned!
BUT...
Don't go anywhere. We will be having some big news coming in the next few days, so stay tuned!
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Not the Thanksgiving I was hoping for
It's Thanksgiving, and between you and me, I must admit that it wasn't the Thanksgiving I was hoping for.
In January I was excited about the thought that we were going to have a new addition at the table this year. Of course, that was when I had just recently gone through my first attempt at IVF and had confirmation of pregnancy. Sadly, as you know, we miscarried in late January and early February. Yep, pregnant with twins and lost them both early in the pregnancy. After healing and coping with the heartbreak of having to go through that, we picked up the pieces, saved up some money and tried once again with a second FET in September.
Everything then seemed to be so right. Seemed to be like things were working the way they should We even had the transfer on Ken's birthday! Signs were everywhere, and we layed it all that the feet of the cross and trusted the Lord that we would not have another heartbreak. Again, we were pregnant (most likely with twins due to the high beta levels). I was so excited. Guarded emotionally due to the last experience with this, but just so full of hope and faith that we were going to have the baby we had waited so long for and prayed so hard for all these years.
We had already booked our cruise and timing again was perfect for the trip. I would just be into my second trimester and feel comfortable about going on a trip, especially a cruise. We had planned on sharing the news of our pregnancy today, at Thanksgiving, with family. Today I would have been 14 weeks today.
Instead...we were not able to celebrate that today.
BUT, we did have a great Thanksgiving meal and fellowship with my husband's family.
Despite the sorrows of this year, we still have a lot to be thankful for. Maybe, with the grace of God, we will have a different kind of Thanksgiving next year.
NOW, we get to head to Florida and get on a cruise ship for a week.
In January I was excited about the thought that we were going to have a new addition at the table this year. Of course, that was when I had just recently gone through my first attempt at IVF and had confirmation of pregnancy. Sadly, as you know, we miscarried in late January and early February. Yep, pregnant with twins and lost them both early in the pregnancy. After healing and coping with the heartbreak of having to go through that, we picked up the pieces, saved up some money and tried once again with a second FET in September.
Everything then seemed to be so right. Seemed to be like things were working the way they should We even had the transfer on Ken's birthday! Signs were everywhere, and we layed it all that the feet of the cross and trusted the Lord that we would not have another heartbreak. Again, we were pregnant (most likely with twins due to the high beta levels). I was so excited. Guarded emotionally due to the last experience with this, but just so full of hope and faith that we were going to have the baby we had waited so long for and prayed so hard for all these years.
We had already booked our cruise and timing again was perfect for the trip. I would just be into my second trimester and feel comfortable about going on a trip, especially a cruise. We had planned on sharing the news of our pregnancy today, at Thanksgiving, with family. Today I would have been 14 weeks today.
Instead...we were not able to celebrate that today.
BUT, we did have a great Thanksgiving meal and fellowship with my husband's family.
Despite the sorrows of this year, we still have a lot to be thankful for. Maybe, with the grace of God, we will have a different kind of Thanksgiving next year.
NOW, we get to head to Florida and get on a cruise ship for a week.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
The Truth about the Insulin Resistance Diet
After following this "link and balance" method for almost two weeks, I have got to say that I "feel" different. Don't get me wrong, I don't expect the pounds to suddenly come melting off and the inches to just vanish over night, but I truly feel so much better. After reading and studying this book for several days, I finally realize just how "food ignorant" I was. One thing that us PCOS women stuggle with so much is our weight and the yo-yo effect of trying just about every fad diet out there.
Insulin Resistance really screws up your metabolism and that's why no matter what we try, we rarely get any true results from any particular diet. Oh sure, we will take off about 14 pounds or so...then nothing, and before you know it, those 14 pounds we lost have come back and brought about 5 or 10 pound friends with them.
I don't know about the rest of you, but I was always told that carbs were what I would have to stay away from...that those are what causes the spikes in our blood sugar and pack on the pounds. It's so hard for me though, because I frequently crave those bad carbs, like pasta, bread, sweets...etc. At times when I have cut out my carbs completely, like when I have done the Atkins diet and things like...I always ALWAYS fail!
BUT....this amazing book (IMHO) really lays it out and finally makes sense to me. Thankfully we can have carbs, but the book tells you to not have any more than 30g of carb at any given time (meal or snack) AND, when you eat those carbs you must also eat protein (14g) to offset the carbs you have eaten. When you have the chance and option to eat low-fat or no-fat things it is best to do so. Another important thing to remember is to not eat more than 30g of carbs within a 2 hour period. Your body makes the decision as to what to store or burn in two hours. If you eat more than 30g of carbs in less than 2 hours...your body is going to tend to store it up as fat.
So...what are some of the things I have eaten on this new plan?
Breakfast: 2 egg or egg substitute (protein) and 1 slice of toast (carb) with water (important not to eat more than 3 egg yolks per week for cholesterol reasons)
Morning Snack: Light & Fit Dannon yogurt (protein) with fruit (grapes, apple slices) (carb)
Lunch: Salad with 2 Tbs light dressing with chicken pieces (protein) (could also add a carb with this as well if you like)
Afternoon Snack: Roasted nuts or cheese (protein) with crackers or fruit (carb)
Dinner: Grilled Chicken or other lean meat (protein), steamed veggies (as much as you want), 1/2 cup mashed potatoes (carb).
Evening snack: 1/2 cup of sugar free ice cream or sherbert
Anyway...this is just an idea of a day's meal. The book gives you a TON of ideas, a list of what is protein or carb as well as what you can have from common fast food restaurants and even packaged meals like Hamburger Helpers, frozen meals, etc.
I'm praying to keep this up even while on our cruise in a couple of weeks. It really shouldn't be a problem because there are a lot of fruits and veggies available.
I should also mention that Ken and I have been going to the gym every night. Sometimes it is hard to find the motivation (the book states that this is a common problem with us PCOS/Insulin Resistant girls). BUT, once we get moving at the gym, things feel good and the motivation comes.
In other words, I would highly recommend anyone who is a fellow PCOS lady to get this book.
Now I am reading PCOS and your Fertility by Collette Harris.
Insulin Resistance really screws up your metabolism and that's why no matter what we try, we rarely get any true results from any particular diet. Oh sure, we will take off about 14 pounds or so...then nothing, and before you know it, those 14 pounds we lost have come back and brought about 5 or 10 pound friends with them.
I don't know about the rest of you, but I was always told that carbs were what I would have to stay away from...that those are what causes the spikes in our blood sugar and pack on the pounds. It's so hard for me though, because I frequently crave those bad carbs, like pasta, bread, sweets...etc. At times when I have cut out my carbs completely, like when I have done the Atkins diet and things like...I always ALWAYS fail!
BUT....this amazing book (IMHO) really lays it out and finally makes sense to me. Thankfully we can have carbs, but the book tells you to not have any more than 30g of carb at any given time (meal or snack) AND, when you eat those carbs you must also eat protein (14g) to offset the carbs you have eaten. When you have the chance and option to eat low-fat or no-fat things it is best to do so. Another important thing to remember is to not eat more than 30g of carbs within a 2 hour period. Your body makes the decision as to what to store or burn in two hours. If you eat more than 30g of carbs in less than 2 hours...your body is going to tend to store it up as fat.
So...what are some of the things I have eaten on this new plan?
Breakfast: 2 egg or egg substitute (protein) and 1 slice of toast (carb) with water (important not to eat more than 3 egg yolks per week for cholesterol reasons)
Morning Snack: Light & Fit Dannon yogurt (protein) with fruit (grapes, apple slices) (carb)
Lunch: Salad with 2 Tbs light dressing with chicken pieces (protein) (could also add a carb with this as well if you like)
Afternoon Snack: Roasted nuts or cheese (protein) with crackers or fruit (carb)
Dinner: Grilled Chicken or other lean meat (protein), steamed veggies (as much as you want), 1/2 cup mashed potatoes (carb).
Evening snack: 1/2 cup of sugar free ice cream or sherbert
Anyway...this is just an idea of a day's meal. The book gives you a TON of ideas, a list of what is protein or carb as well as what you can have from common fast food restaurants and even packaged meals like Hamburger Helpers, frozen meals, etc.
I'm praying to keep this up even while on our cruise in a couple of weeks. It really shouldn't be a problem because there are a lot of fruits and veggies available.
I should also mention that Ken and I have been going to the gym every night. Sometimes it is hard to find the motivation (the book states that this is a common problem with us PCOS/Insulin Resistant girls). BUT, once we get moving at the gym, things feel good and the motivation comes.
In other words, I would highly recommend anyone who is a fellow PCOS lady to get this book.
Now I am reading PCOS and your Fertility by Collette Harris.
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