My oh my it has been ages since my last blog post, as well as my last youtube vlog. I don't even know how many followers I still have. At this point, they have already probably given up on me, which I totally understand. With that being said I'm debating whether to start a whole new blog completely or just pick up again here. Decisions, decisions.
Things have been so crazy this year and I just haven't been able to put forth the effort to share any of my TTC story and blog or do video like I would hope. Honestly, I just haven't had anything to report on that front, and therefore no inspiration to write. Even after starting my FB TTC page, I just don't feel lead to post anything, even though I check in there regularly with the rest of this community from heartbreaks of BNF's and losses to elation with BFPs and births. I see God working, and know he is working...I just haven't felt it in my realm lately, and I don't like admitting that.
Looking back, a year ago I was in my TWW (two week wait) after my last FET (frozen embryo transfer). I remember being so cautious and so relaxed during that time. I prayed daily that God would answer our hearts desire and make us parents. We just couldn't believe that he would make us go through the heartbreak of another BFN or even worse, another miscarriage. By 6 days past transfer I was already getting BFPs on every HPT I took, and since we put back 3 blasts we felt pretty good that odds were in our favor this time. Then sadly, that pregnancy ended up with another miscarriage. We were left with that huge cloud over our heads and the big question...WHY?
Now, this year we had 2 failed adoption attempts and we haven't been back to the RE since October last year when we had our loss.
I am still holding out hope, but I won't lie...it is fading with every wacky cycle I have. Don't get me wrong, my faith is not fading in God, because I trust him. I'm just losing hope that I am ever going to be a mom.
I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time of this! I too was just getting pregnant around this time last year which also sadly ended in a miscarriage. The two failed adoptions must make things even worse! I hope that things will get better for you soon and that you might be able to bring a child into your home sometime very soon.
ReplyDeleteThank you Rebecca for coming to my blog however you found me. It really means a lot that you came and thought enough to reply. I hope you come back. Thank you for your prayers and I too pray for you as well.
DeleteHi, just visiting your blog.
ReplyDeleteHave you considered trying Fertilaid? I have one son who was born to me almost 5 years ago at the age of 36 with absolutely no help from doctors or supplements. One year after he was born, we tried for our second. Between the age of 1 of my son and now, we had a 6 week miscarriage, a 13 week miscarriage and a molar pregnancy that was a result of fertility treatment a a fertility institute. I decided that at the age of 41, I wasn't doing fertility treatments anymore and was going for a more natural approach. I tried Fertilaid and three months later got pregnant at the age of 41. We are currently 22 weeks pregnant with a baby girl due in January. I love this product and it works wonders. It takes a while (took me three months as I said), but it works! Maybe you should give it a try. Good luck.
Thanks Connie for coming by and visiting my blog. I have considered Fertilaid but have read mix reviews about its success with women who have PCOS, which I unfortunately have. Do you have PCOS? I have used FertileBlends from GNC and Vitex, but I think because of the PCOS nothing really works, sadly. I am doing the Low Amylose diet though (not as strickly as I should be).
DeleteI've been thinking of you - I hope that a door opens up soon and you are finally blessed with the child you are meant to have!
ReplyDeleteThanks Shannon. I have continued to follow you blog as well and I just can't believe how big Finn is getting. Time sure is flying. When are you doing your next IUI? You know will be in my prayers.
Delete