Gearing Up for FET #2

Ok, so either I didn't ovulate, or I ovulated and the 2 times (and I mean, barely 2 times) that DH and I did the baby dance were unsuccessful, GO FIGURE!
Well, yesterday I met with Dr. C, my RE and we are starting another FET. His first question was, "So, you have 5 beautiful embies, 4 are excellent AA's and 1 is definitely baby making material so how many do you want to trasnfer?" I didn't hesitate...."We are adimant about putting 3 in this time!" Needless to say, he wasn't too crazy about that idea. He threw his hands up and rolled his office chair back and said some things that really kind of ticked me off. First comment was, "Well, what happens if you get pregnant with triplets and they all die because you can't manage being pregnant with 3 at once?" OR..."Have you even talked to your OB/Gyn about carrying multiples?" Umm, well that would be a big fat NO, because I haven't gotten pregnant long enough to even discuss that with my doctor. Don't you think that is a stupid question?
Well, I explained to him why DH and I were so set on transfering 3 and with this being our possible last shot at doing this, we wanted to really give it a good chance at having a baby in 9 months or so. Besides, isn't all of this up in God's hands. If we get pregnant with 3 (although I am smart enough to know that the chances of all of them taking are very low), then God will see us through and it is going to be just perfect. My faith has turned from being with the doctors to solely being with the Lord.
I have learned a lot during this journey...I've learned to be patient, it will all work out in God's time (this was a hard one); I've become very humbled throughout this entire walk.  My faith has been tested to it's limits. I was pushed to the edge, but thankfully made my way back.

I'm really looking forward to this next transfer. It's going to be one long 6 weeks (until Transfer) and 8 weeks until we find out if we were successful or not!

PRAYING PRAYING PRAYING!

Cycle Day 17....Update

Well, today is CD 17...and question is, "have I ovulated yet?"
That's a good question...because I really don't know. I have been taking OPK's since CD11 and doing the old monitoring of my BBT, which we know is not really accurate...but, what can I say other than I don't really have any other option right now.
This is my first real cycle since the miscarriages, so I'm not expecting a true out right cycle...

DH surprised the heck out of me Sunday though, because he is all ready to do another FET if we are not successful on our own during THIS cycle. Surprised, yes... I mean I am happy that he is ready to push forward, but I figured he might want to try on our own for a few months, not just this time only. The big thing is going to be getting the funds together. According to the estimate, we will need to expect on paying about $3500 which does not include the medication which can run upwards to about $1000. BUT, DH seems to think we can swing it...but I just don't know how.

So...now we just wait....and see if we are successful.
That IS if I even O'd this cycle.

FINALLY, a period!

Well, so I thought I had ovulated about 13 days ago or so...but now it looks like I might have gotten my positive OPK at the end of an ovulation cycle. Today is CD3! Tuesday morning I woke up and welcomed the wicked witch of the south (if you know what I mean). This was the first signs of a true AF since my miscarriages back in January/February!
Normally, today, CD3 I would be at the clinic first thing in the morning having blood work and ultrasound to see what is going on my uterus and ovaries. BUT, today I was able to sleep in, and not even think about having to go to a clinic, or prepare to start fertility medications. LOVE IT!

On the flip side of what else is going on in my life...my back has been really killing me the past few days. Thinking back, it actually started to hurt about a day before AF arrived. Could this be cycle related? Who knows. I know that I have never had any back ache like this before. We got notice last Tuesday that our tenants at our house were moving out and relocating to MN. The 24 month lease they signed turned into only about 4 months! Surprisingly I was not very stressed over this. I felt confident that we would find another tenant, AND we would be able to raise the rent a little, since it seems like we were renting it a lot less that other homes in the area. This past Sunday we showed the house 4 times and had 2 applications by Monday afternoon. Yesterday we made our choice and will be meeting them to sign a lease tonight. Thankfully...no stress. I've got to stay stress free.

As for my involvement with the fertility boards....I've stayed clear. I just can't get all wrapped up in that right now. I get so invested in the boards and the girls on there that I have come to love over the past year since I joined FT...but, I've got to keep my sanity right now. I'm starting to get better about dealing with my losses, but I'm not 100% there yet.

Speaking of, yesterday I went to our rental house and met with the tenants who are leaving to get the keys. She is pregnant and due in August. She already has a 3 year old little boy. I kindly asked what she was having...her response: "Another dang boy...I'm a boy maker!" My response to her was simply..."well, at least you can make them!" I then followed my reply with a nice, but honestly empty..."Congratulations"

Ugh...maybe this cycle? Lord I pray so!

Ovulation...

Without prescription medications? Really? Well, it seems to be the case.
About 9 days ago, on June 4th, I noticed that I was having some pretty heavy discharge, which after doing some checking determined it was EWCM. It really kind of shocked me, because I had not had any AF since my miscarriages, so...could I be reading my body right? I mean I had noticed some slight cramping for a couple days, but nothing really to take note of...but then again in all the years since my first menses at age 11 (yes, you heard me right), I never had any cramping. Matter of fact, I only ever noticed any ovulation cramping when I was on fertility meds and would take an injection to induce ovulation...really. So, I decided to take an OPK, since I had several in my stash from my TTC before doing my IUI's and monitoring and IVF.
POSITIVE!
Really? Can this be possible?
Funny thing is, I had called my OB/Gyn nurse earlier that day to discuss my concern since it had been so long since my miscarriage and yet I had not had a period. So...I took this test before I received her call back. Below is the gist of that call:
Nurse K: "Dr. M. was wondering if you were still receiving treatment at Reach?"
Me: "Well, no! I haven't been there since my last beta test in early March."
Nurse K: "That's kind of what I thought, and what I relayed to the doctor." She asked if you took a HPT."
Me: "I actually took one over a week ago, even though I knew it would be negative, I just wanted to make sure to rule that out."
Nurse K: "Well, she would like to have you repeat a HPT in a week and then call back to let us know the results. We might have to put you on Provera to induce a period."
Me: "Well, funny thing. I took a OPK about 10 minutes before your call, and it is showing positive. I also have noticed a lot of EWCM, so is it possible that I could be ovulating without having a break thru AF?"
Nurse K: "Of course it is possible. I wish you luck if you are going to attempt anything."
Me: "Well, I haven't told my husband yet, but we will see and pray that everything works out ok. I will retest then in 2 weeks and then follow up with you then."
Nurse K: "Sounds good. I look forward to hearing great news from you then!"

So, there you have it. It looks like I ovulated, so we tried...ONCE, because that's just how it worked out for us that weekend. I'm not holding out any hope or expectation of course, but I've been praying about it. I'm mostly just thrilled that my body ovulated without any prescription assistance and manipulation. I really think that the pills that I started (Fertility Blend for Women) is doing something with my body. It's all up to God, as it has always been...I just stand amazed every day at what He can do and the miracles that he grants us.

Friday morning will be the day I will POAS, yet again. I pray I see two lines, but honestly...this time around I won't be disappointed. I will just be excited that my body is responding and keep plugging along and praying that maybe the next cycle will be my time!

The most amazing thing about this "alternative treatment" thing...is that I feel more in control. It's funny....and freeing. My life is not dictated by doctor appointments, and what time to be home to take my shot, and blood work, and over thinking... I'm not missing that. Would I ever do it again, if I need to for my victory....I will; that is if the Lord finds us the means to make it happen financially. But this journey is not over for me. It's not going to beat me.

Where have I been?

What a good question!
I wish I could honestly answer it too.
I have had my days of pity party and then days where I am focused on things, and then I have days where I feel like I have been walking around in a haze.

I'm 35...and still motherless. No AF since the miscarriage of my second twin, so I'm wondering....WHY? I have always had issues with being irregular (the joys of PCOS), but...seriously? I thought for sure that I would have one major flow from the red seas so to speak, but NADA.

As the Memorial Day weekend approaches, I can hardly really focus on the joys this weekend normally brings with cook-outs, family fun time, and lasting memories without looking back on the thoughts that I should be pregnant right now...22 weeks pregnant, to be exact. UGH, will it ever happen?

Lord, I know you don't give us more than we can handle, but today it amazes me that you trust me so much! This journey is so incredibly hard, but if it's the journey I'm meant to travel, I will do it. My prayer is that is draws me closer to you!

Alternative Ferility Methods

Since it looks like another FET is a little out of our reach right now, I've been spending the past few weeks concentrating on "alternative" fertility treatments. I've researched all sorts of things from acupuncture, Chinese herbs, meditation and so forth. There is good and bad with everything I have read, but I think that I have settled on something and will give it a try for a few months to see if there is any success. If it will get my cycles regular, that will be a start. Since my miscarriages in late January and early February, the evil witch has stayed clear of me. Some might think that is a blessing, but for someone who is trying so desperately to conceive, I am going crazy without having her visit.

So, what is this that I'm trying? FERTILITY BLEND for Women by Daily Wellness. I picked up a bottle from my local GNC for about $40. Of course to some that might seem pretty high, but to those of us who have paid for fertility medications like Follistim injections, Ovidrel trigger shots, Crinone Gel, Progesterone in Oil, etc...$40 is a welcome change. The recommended dosage is 3 pills per day, which is what I am taking (one in the morning, one at lunch and one before bed). There is also a FERTILITY BLEND for men, but my hubby won't be starting those until he is due for more supplements. He is already taking most of the supplements that are in this pill individually.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not putting all my eggs into one basket and expecting this to be the end all/be all for my TTC, but after reading some inspiring reviews of this product, I felt that it was worth a shot. So, along with a lot of prayers and patience (this whole journey is about patience, right?) I pray that this might be a little miracle pill.

So, have any of your heard of this supplement? Have you yourself tried it or know of someone who has? It has been around for a while and I can't believe I just came across this in the past week with my googling and research.

I'm also contemplating purchasing a Clearblue Easy Fertility monitor as well...to help take away some of the guess work, so to speak!

Infertility weight

Well hello friends!
I've been lacking in blogs and I apologize for that. Honestly, my mind has been elsewhere. BUT, it's that time to update and get focused again.
Last Tuesday I started taking a diet pill to help with some energy and to get a jump start on getting rid of all this infertility weight. You know, the weight that comes along when taking all those prescription medications that are meant to help prepare your body to get pregnant. Well, in my case it was just medications that seemed to have added more junk to my trunk, so to speak!
Before I started these pills, Phentramin-D, I weighed myself and did my measurements so I can log and keep track of my progress. Saturday, after just 4 days of taking these pill, I was down 4 pounds already. Of course some of that is probably water weight, but I'll take it. I will be checking my weight and measurements tomorrow morning after a full week of doing these pills to see where I'm at. I hope to be blogging about some great success with this.

We also had to make the difficult decision Friday to not continue with the Cobra insurance. It was hard to make this decision because it means that we are not going to be able to prepare for a FET anytime soon. This is sad, but I have to continue to believe that we will be parents...that we are MEANT to have a baby, and that the Lord will give us this miracle. If it's in His plan, it will happen one way or another. Either we will find a way to come up with the money to do a transfer ourselves, or we will have our own little miracle. I am not going to let infertility beat me!