Cycle Day 17....Update

Well, today is CD 17...and question is, "have I ovulated yet?"
That's a good question...because I really don't know. I have been taking OPK's since CD11 and doing the old monitoring of my BBT, which we know is not really accurate...but, what can I say other than I don't really have any other option right now.
This is my first real cycle since the miscarriages, so I'm not expecting a true out right cycle...

DH surprised the heck out of me Sunday though, because he is all ready to do another FET if we are not successful on our own during THIS cycle. Surprised, yes... I mean I am happy that he is ready to push forward, but I figured he might want to try on our own for a few months, not just this time only. The big thing is going to be getting the funds together. According to the estimate, we will need to expect on paying about $3500 which does not include the medication which can run upwards to about $1000. BUT, DH seems to think we can swing it...but I just don't know how.

So...now we just wait....and see if we are successful.
That IS if I even O'd this cycle.

FINALLY, a period!

Well, so I thought I had ovulated about 13 days ago or so...but now it looks like I might have gotten my positive OPK at the end of an ovulation cycle. Today is CD3! Tuesday morning I woke up and welcomed the wicked witch of the south (if you know what I mean). This was the first signs of a true AF since my miscarriages back in January/February!
Normally, today, CD3 I would be at the clinic first thing in the morning having blood work and ultrasound to see what is going on my uterus and ovaries. BUT, today I was able to sleep in, and not even think about having to go to a clinic, or prepare to start fertility medications. LOVE IT!

On the flip side of what else is going on in my life...my back has been really killing me the past few days. Thinking back, it actually started to hurt about a day before AF arrived. Could this be cycle related? Who knows. I know that I have never had any back ache like this before. We got notice last Tuesday that our tenants at our house were moving out and relocating to MN. The 24 month lease they signed turned into only about 4 months! Surprisingly I was not very stressed over this. I felt confident that we would find another tenant, AND we would be able to raise the rent a little, since it seems like we were renting it a lot less that other homes in the area. This past Sunday we showed the house 4 times and had 2 applications by Monday afternoon. Yesterday we made our choice and will be meeting them to sign a lease tonight. Thankfully...no stress. I've got to stay stress free.

As for my involvement with the fertility boards....I've stayed clear. I just can't get all wrapped up in that right now. I get so invested in the boards and the girls on there that I have come to love over the past year since I joined FT...but, I've got to keep my sanity right now. I'm starting to get better about dealing with my losses, but I'm not 100% there yet.

Speaking of, yesterday I went to our rental house and met with the tenants who are leaving to get the keys. She is pregnant and due in August. She already has a 3 year old little boy. I kindly asked what she was having...her response: "Another dang boy...I'm a boy maker!" My response to her was simply..."well, at least you can make them!" I then followed my reply with a nice, but honestly empty..."Congratulations"

Ugh...maybe this cycle? Lord I pray so!

Ovulation...

Without prescription medications? Really? Well, it seems to be the case.
About 9 days ago, on June 4th, I noticed that I was having some pretty heavy discharge, which after doing some checking determined it was EWCM. It really kind of shocked me, because I had not had any AF since my miscarriages, so...could I be reading my body right? I mean I had noticed some slight cramping for a couple days, but nothing really to take note of...but then again in all the years since my first menses at age 11 (yes, you heard me right), I never had any cramping. Matter of fact, I only ever noticed any ovulation cramping when I was on fertility meds and would take an injection to induce ovulation...really. So, I decided to take an OPK, since I had several in my stash from my TTC before doing my IUI's and monitoring and IVF.
POSITIVE!
Really? Can this be possible?
Funny thing is, I had called my OB/Gyn nurse earlier that day to discuss my concern since it had been so long since my miscarriage and yet I had not had a period. So...I took this test before I received her call back. Below is the gist of that call:
Nurse K: "Dr. M. was wondering if you were still receiving treatment at Reach?"
Me: "Well, no! I haven't been there since my last beta test in early March."
Nurse K: "That's kind of what I thought, and what I relayed to the doctor." She asked if you took a HPT."
Me: "I actually took one over a week ago, even though I knew it would be negative, I just wanted to make sure to rule that out."
Nurse K: "Well, she would like to have you repeat a HPT in a week and then call back to let us know the results. We might have to put you on Provera to induce a period."
Me: "Well, funny thing. I took a OPK about 10 minutes before your call, and it is showing positive. I also have noticed a lot of EWCM, so is it possible that I could be ovulating without having a break thru AF?"
Nurse K: "Of course it is possible. I wish you luck if you are going to attempt anything."
Me: "Well, I haven't told my husband yet, but we will see and pray that everything works out ok. I will retest then in 2 weeks and then follow up with you then."
Nurse K: "Sounds good. I look forward to hearing great news from you then!"

So, there you have it. It looks like I ovulated, so we tried...ONCE, because that's just how it worked out for us that weekend. I'm not holding out any hope or expectation of course, but I've been praying about it. I'm mostly just thrilled that my body ovulated without any prescription assistance and manipulation. I really think that the pills that I started (Fertility Blend for Women) is doing something with my body. It's all up to God, as it has always been...I just stand amazed every day at what He can do and the miracles that he grants us.

Friday morning will be the day I will POAS, yet again. I pray I see two lines, but honestly...this time around I won't be disappointed. I will just be excited that my body is responding and keep plugging along and praying that maybe the next cycle will be my time!

The most amazing thing about this "alternative treatment" thing...is that I feel more in control. It's funny....and freeing. My life is not dictated by doctor appointments, and what time to be home to take my shot, and blood work, and over thinking... I'm not missing that. Would I ever do it again, if I need to for my victory....I will; that is if the Lord finds us the means to make it happen financially. But this journey is not over for me. It's not going to beat me.

Where have I been?

What a good question!
I wish I could honestly answer it too.
I have had my days of pity party and then days where I am focused on things, and then I have days where I feel like I have been walking around in a haze.

I'm 35...and still motherless. No AF since the miscarriage of my second twin, so I'm wondering....WHY? I have always had issues with being irregular (the joys of PCOS), but...seriously? I thought for sure that I would have one major flow from the red seas so to speak, but NADA.

As the Memorial Day weekend approaches, I can hardly really focus on the joys this weekend normally brings with cook-outs, family fun time, and lasting memories without looking back on the thoughts that I should be pregnant right now...22 weeks pregnant, to be exact. UGH, will it ever happen?

Lord, I know you don't give us more than we can handle, but today it amazes me that you trust me so much! This journey is so incredibly hard, but if it's the journey I'm meant to travel, I will do it. My prayer is that is draws me closer to you!

Alternative Ferility Methods

Since it looks like another FET is a little out of our reach right now, I've been spending the past few weeks concentrating on "alternative" fertility treatments. I've researched all sorts of things from acupuncture, Chinese herbs, meditation and so forth. There is good and bad with everything I have read, but I think that I have settled on something and will give it a try for a few months to see if there is any success. If it will get my cycles regular, that will be a start. Since my miscarriages in late January and early February, the evil witch has stayed clear of me. Some might think that is a blessing, but for someone who is trying so desperately to conceive, I am going crazy without having her visit.

So, what is this that I'm trying? FERTILITY BLEND for Women by Daily Wellness. I picked up a bottle from my local GNC for about $40. Of course to some that might seem pretty high, but to those of us who have paid for fertility medications like Follistim injections, Ovidrel trigger shots, Crinone Gel, Progesterone in Oil, etc...$40 is a welcome change. The recommended dosage is 3 pills per day, which is what I am taking (one in the morning, one at lunch and one before bed). There is also a FERTILITY BLEND for men, but my hubby won't be starting those until he is due for more supplements. He is already taking most of the supplements that are in this pill individually.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not putting all my eggs into one basket and expecting this to be the end all/be all for my TTC, but after reading some inspiring reviews of this product, I felt that it was worth a shot. So, along with a lot of prayers and patience (this whole journey is about patience, right?) I pray that this might be a little miracle pill.

So, have any of your heard of this supplement? Have you yourself tried it or know of someone who has? It has been around for a while and I can't believe I just came across this in the past week with my googling and research.

I'm also contemplating purchasing a Clearblue Easy Fertility monitor as well...to help take away some of the guess work, so to speak!

Infertility weight

Well hello friends!
I've been lacking in blogs and I apologize for that. Honestly, my mind has been elsewhere. BUT, it's that time to update and get focused again.
Last Tuesday I started taking a diet pill to help with some energy and to get a jump start on getting rid of all this infertility weight. You know, the weight that comes along when taking all those prescription medications that are meant to help prepare your body to get pregnant. Well, in my case it was just medications that seemed to have added more junk to my trunk, so to speak!
Before I started these pills, Phentramin-D, I weighed myself and did my measurements so I can log and keep track of my progress. Saturday, after just 4 days of taking these pill, I was down 4 pounds already. Of course some of that is probably water weight, but I'll take it. I will be checking my weight and measurements tomorrow morning after a full week of doing these pills to see where I'm at. I hope to be blogging about some great success with this.

We also had to make the difficult decision Friday to not continue with the Cobra insurance. It was hard to make this decision because it means that we are not going to be able to prepare for a FET anytime soon. This is sad, but I have to continue to believe that we will be parents...that we are MEANT to have a baby, and that the Lord will give us this miracle. If it's in His plan, it will happen one way or another. Either we will find a way to come up with the money to do a transfer ourselves, or we will have our own little miracle. I am not going to let infertility beat me!

Our Cruise on the Carnival Dream

Well, I said that I would post my review of the Carnival Dream, so here it is along with some photos from our cruise vacation!
Let me start off by saying that my DH has been on 12 cruises on several different lines (Carnival, Princess, Royal Caribbean, Celebrity, Holland America) and this was my 3rd. With that being said, we are familiar with cruising and what is out there and although we knew that Carnival was the "budget" cruise line, we were intrigued by the Dream, in that it is a new ship and the largest of the Carnival fleet. We were sure that they would have stepped it up a bit with this new ship, but sadly...we were disappointed. Needless to say, this was our last cruise with Carnival.
Although this ship is larger, all that they did was increase the amount of cabins on board to gain more revenue for more people on board. The common/public areas were the same as they are on several other ships of theirs, and they aren't much bigger in square footage so there is more people packed into smaller areas for shows, comedians, dining and even pools. There was only 2 pools which seems ridiculous when this ship's capacity is roughly 3600 passengers. Which leads to another problem. The cruise director made the mistake of mentioning a few times during the week that there were 4500 passengers on board which made the ship OVER capacity by almost 1,000 passengers. What do you think would happen if we had a problem at sea and couldn't get everyone into lifeboats? Scary thought huh?

Embarkation was one of the smoothest either of us have experienced. My dad who lives near Orlando dropped us off at the port Saturday afternoon so that we wouldn't have to pay over $100 for parking our car for a week. Once we gave our luggage to the porter, we were through security, checked in and on the boat within 15 minutes! All of our luggage was at our room by 2pm and we were unpacked before our life boat drill, which NEVER happens.

The food on the ship was par. It wasn't terrible, but it wasn't all that great either. We tried almost all the options, and there is a lot on board, especially for lunch. There is: lunch room (served food), general buffet, pasta bar (BEST LUNCH), grill (hamburgers, hot dogs and fries), pizza bar, deli, sushi, BBQ (not what you would think of a BBQ), Mongolian (GREAT TOO), Tandoori (Indian style food). As I mentioned, the pasta bar was the best lunch in my opinion. You choose your pasta, your sauce, your toppings and whether you want bread or a salad then it is brought to your table when it is ready. To avoid being boring, I'm not going to elaborate on the food, but I can tell you that I've had better food on other ships.

The shocking part was the entertainment, or lack there of. They kept stating that the production shows were multi-million dollar shows but honestly, I've seen much better at high school production shows. The music(singers) were, well...not so good. The dancers were hardly ever together making the choreography look cheap and choppy, and the direction of the productions was kindergarten rate. The comedians they had on board were the best entertainment for the evening. We made every show for them in the evenings (adult only shows, not the family shows) and always got there early because seats would get full quick! The karaoke on board was a big joke. I think they might have had 100 songs in their list, so if you were a karaoke junkie like us, you would be disappointed. The KJ (Karaoke host) had no personality and didn't involve the crowd at all, just simply called each singer up. There was one good band, called the blackjack band that sang in the Ocean Plaza each night and they were great. They did a lot of 80s cover tunes, a few country tunes and great dance hits too. As for entertainment to keep you busy during the day or events like deck parties and such, there was 1 deck party for a 7 night cruise, and it was a joke as well. We stayed for about 45 minutes and decided we could find something better to do somewhere, which we didn't...so we went to bed early that night (early as in 11:45pm).

I could go on and on, but I will not bore you with that. I will just suggest that if you are looking for a cruise and if you were considering this ship...or even this line, look somewhere else. I know that it is a cheaper line, but like what they say...you get what you pay for, right?

For our next cruise, we are considering the Royal Caribbean Oasis of the Seas. We have seen this ship several times before, but this cruise it was at every port we were at and each time we saw it, we just wanted to hop off our ship and join the gang over on the Oasis.

BUT, know that I am not complaining about being on a cruise. I was happy to be on a cruise and away from the cares of the world for a week. DH and I both needed it very much, and got to spend a week enjoying time together. I wouldn't trade anything for that!

 The was the view from our lunch table before we first boarded the ship!

 My sweet DH is prepared.

 Ahh, time for some relaxation in the Adults area - Serenity!

 The water in St. Thomas, USVI

 Me and DH riding the boat back to our ship in St. Marteen

The rear view of the Oasis of the Seas (our next cruise)