Healing and Dealing

I know it's been a few weeks since I have posted, and well...due to the heartbreak I was going through, I just couldn't bring myself to talk about it, let along BLOG about it.
Since my post, we have moved and have started to get somewhat settled in our new "home". Call me crazy, but although there were a lot of good memories in our old house, the most recent one's were very sad and upsetting and they overtook the good memories. Hopefully we will build happy and loving memories in our new place. I remembered how much I HATE moving, but I'm so thankful that it came at this juncture, because it kept my mind busy on the tasks that needed to be done to prepare the house for our tenants and getting everything moved into our new "home". Don't get me wrong, there were several times during the quietest times in the night when I would think about what happened, and question my faith and my God, and why he would do this to us...why he would give us something that we had longed and prayed for...yet just take it away...TWICE! Even today, I can say..."well, I would have been 11 weeks" and the thought makes me sad.

The good thing about this is that I truly believe that this has brought me and my dear husband closer together...even though I thought that was not possible. I have seen him hurt through this too. I've seen that sadness in his eyes if I think out loud about where we should have been, and where we are now. Sometimes as women on this horribly unfair TTC journey, it's hard to really remember that our husbands are going through this with us, and they are having all of the emotions that we are having as well. And for me, I have been down this road for over 14 years...where my husband has only been on it for about a year (we have only seriously been TTC the past year).

Another good thing is that we have scheduled a cruise vacation, and we are sailing out on my birthday this year...March 26th! We so desperately needed a vacation, and since we both LOVE cruising...we just knew that this was the best "get-away" for both of us. We need time to just be alone and love each other again.
Not that we don't love each other now! But you know that sometimes you just need that time to not deal with the bad, the sad and the ugly!

As for trying again...our plan is to start to prepare for another transfer once we get back from our cruise.
Right now I am still being monitored until my HCG has gone down to 0, zero. Last week it was down to 16, and hopefully tomorrow the level will be zero so that I don't have to think about this any more. I don't know if it's just me, but having to continue to be monitored, and still having that pregnancy hormone just adds salt to the wounds.

We have also decided that as far as letting our family and loved one's know of our plans to go through this again, we will keep this between us...and of course my blog readers! :)
We love their support and their prayers, but we just can't go through this again with having the excitement of telling them, and then having to tell them the saddest news ever. I don't even think that I will be able to get excited at the thought of a positive pregnancy test again. So...that being said, I think we will not share the news until we are about 12 weeks along. I just hope that someday we can share that news.

So, I guess that's it for now for an update. I'm going to try to get better at the updates, especially since I'm not currently working.
Thank you all for your continued prayers and love~