Yesterday was my birthday and for the first time that I can remember I just wasn't in the mood to celebrate. Any 'normal' year I would be celebrating all month long, but given how this month has unfolded I am just not in a celebratory mood...and it SUCKS!
A month ago I was pregnant. We had planned on letting our immediate family know that we were expecting this weekend although my father already knew about our whole treatment and was eagerly anticipating his first grandchild...and for the third time I let him down. Matter of fact, I let everyone down and I hate that feeling.
A couple weekends ago DH and I decided that we needed to just get away. We got up early that Saturday morning and drove down to Myrtle Beach. It was the weekend before St Patrick's day so there was quite a few things going on in town and it is only about a 3 1/2 hour drive from our house. We just needed to get away to a place where no one knew what we ha just gone through and where we could have some laughs and not talk about anything related to our pregnancy, our loss and most importantly our infertility struggles. It was just for a night, but it was very much needed. We really enjoyed just being together and not having to deal with our sad reality.
That same weekend I started a new diet. The HCG diet. Now I did some research on this prior to starting and read that it could be beneficial for women with PCOS or insulin resistant. There is a lot of controversy over this diet because it is a very low calorie diet along with either HCG drops (over the counter) or injections (prescription). I first heard about this diet from my BFF who lives back in FL who had started this diet taking the Omni drops from Omnitrition. She was having some pretty good success with weightloss, so that's what started my research in this. Anyway to give you a little synopsis of this diet, the first two days are your loading days followed by the VLCD (very low calorie diet) of 500 calories per day. I won't bore you with the details because those who are intrigued can google HCG diet and find all kinds of information about it. Currently I have lost 11 pounds (as of this past Sunday when I weighed in).
Also in the past week I have been doing some research on PCOS and AMA (advanced maternal age) along with miscarriages and TTC and so on and so on. It seems like whenever I get knocked down by some infertility battle that I am fighting I go on this crazy spin with trying to find out anything and everything I can to try and beat this. Beat PCOS. Beat early miscarriage. Beat infertility...PERIOD! During some of my searching I came across some women speaking about Pregnitude. It seems like it is a relatively new product that many women had been given from their OB/Gyn's. Of course the chances of an RE recommending this product is most likely rare because it is a natural supplement and not one of those "prescription" medications. Also, if a woman has success with this product, they certainly aren't going to be spending the time and money on fertility treatments. Of course a lot of what I have read about this product is that it helps improve egg quality which would make it a great supplement to take even if you are preparing for an IUI or IVF cycle. Honestly, I was liking what I was reading, so I found the product on Amazon, eBay and even Walgreens.com which is where I ultimately purchased it from. Walgreens had the cheapest price and it ships for free. My thoughts are that if it can regulate my cycles and hopefully help my body to ovulate on it's own then it is well worth the price I paid for it ($35). I ordered it Friday night online and I received it yesterday (my own birthday present) and plan on starting it Saturday morning depending on what my beta level is tomorrow. That's right, another beta blood test tomorrow morning to hopefully see if my level has dropped to <5.
So, who knows...if I continue to lose some weight and this Pregnitude (me) and FertileAid (Ken) do what they claim they can do then maybe we can have our own little miracle this time next year. I still plan on having the RPL panel done along with the other testing that my doctor is ordering for me once my beta Hcg is down to under 5 and to be honest I am hoping that it might show something so that I have some direction should we get pregnant again. Of course I don't think I will be able to really accept and believe I'm pregnant until I am holding a happy and healthy baby in my arms.
It would be wonderful to have a surprise BFP. I don't know if we will have that kind of luck, but then again anything is possible right? It's a nice thought thinking of having that kind of miracle after all we have been through. I would love to be a Prenitude success story! So stay tuned...I'll keep you updated on how these new things are going and what we are doing to try on our own before we move on to another treatment which looks like it might be an IUI in June or July?