Another year older

Yesterday was my birthday and for the first time that I can remember I just wasn't in the mood to celebrate. Any 'normal' year I would be celebrating all month long, but given how this month has unfolded I am just not in a celebratory mood...and it SUCKS!

A month ago I was pregnant. We had planned on letting our immediate family know that we were expecting this weekend although my father already knew about our whole treatment and was eagerly anticipating his first grandchild...and for the third time I let him down. Matter of fact, I let everyone down and I hate that feeling.

A couple weekends ago DH and I decided that we needed to just get away. We got up early that Saturday morning and drove down to Myrtle Beach. It was the weekend before St Patrick's day so there was quite a few things going on in town and it is only about a 3 1/2 hour drive from our house. We just needed to get away to a place where no one knew what we ha just gone through and where we could have some laughs and not talk about anything related to our pregnancy, our loss and most importantly our infertility struggles. It was just for a night, but it was very much needed. We really enjoyed just being together and not having to deal with our sad reality.

That same weekend I started a new diet. The HCG diet. Now I did some research on this prior to starting and read that it could be beneficial for women with PCOS or insulin resistant. There is a lot of controversy over this diet because it is a very low calorie diet along with either HCG drops (over the counter) or injections (prescription). I first heard about this diet from my BFF who lives back in FL who had started this diet taking the Omni drops from Omnitrition. She was having some pretty good success with weightloss, so that's what started my research in this. Anyway to give you a little synopsis of this diet, the first two days are your loading days followed by the VLCD (very low calorie diet) of 500 calories per day. I won't bore you with the details because those who are intrigued can google HCG diet and find all kinds of information about it. Currently I have lost 11 pounds (as of this past Sunday when I weighed in).

Also in the past week I have been doing some research on PCOS and AMA (advanced maternal age) along with miscarriages and TTC and so on and so on. It seems like whenever I get knocked down by some infertility battle that I am fighting I go on this crazy spin with trying to find out anything and everything I can to try and beat this. Beat PCOS. Beat early miscarriage. Beat infertility...PERIOD! During some of my searching I came across some women speaking about Pregnitude. It seems like it is a relatively new product that many women had been given from their OB/Gyn's. Of course the chances of an RE recommending this product is most likely rare because it is a natural supplement and not one of those "prescription" medications. Also, if a woman has success with this product, they certainly aren't going to be spending the time and money on fertility treatments. Of course a lot of what I have read about this product is that it helps improve egg quality which would make it a great supplement to take even if you are preparing for an IUI or IVF cycle. Honestly, I was liking what I was reading, so I found the product on Amazon, eBay and even Walgreens.com which is where I ultimately purchased it from. Walgreens had the cheapest price and it ships for free. My thoughts are that if it can regulate my cycles and hopefully help my body to ovulate on it's own then it is well worth the price I paid for it ($35). I ordered it Friday night online and I received it yesterday (my own birthday present) and plan on starting it Saturday morning depending on what my beta level is tomorrow. That's right, another beta blood test tomorrow morning to hopefully see if my level has dropped to <5.

So, who knows...if I continue to lose some weight and this Pregnitude (me) and FertileAid (Ken) do what they claim they can do then maybe we can have our own little miracle this time next year. I still plan on having the RPL panel done along with the other testing that my doctor is ordering for me once my beta Hcg is down to under 5 and to be honest I am hoping that it might show something so that I have some direction should we get pregnant again. Of course I don't think I will be able to really accept and believe I'm pregnant until I am holding a happy and healthy baby in my arms.

It would be wonderful to have a surprise BFP. I don't know if we will have that kind of luck, but then again anything is possible right? It's a nice thought thinking of having that kind of miracle after all we have been through. I would love to be a Prenitude success story! So stay tuned...I'll keep you updated on how these new things are going and what we are doing to try on our own before we move on to another treatment which looks like it might be an IUI in June or July?

Talking into space

Sometimes I wonder if anyone really is there.
Last week there were quite a bit of views, even though not many comments, but today I see only 4 views of my last post, and I'm convinced that a couple of those were me anyway, when I was working on my layout adjustments. So today...I blog, but I am sure I am just talking into space. Is anyone there? Anybody?

It's Sunday, which means Football in our house. I did manage to get DH out a little bit earlier today. We just kind of goofed around checking out the new Whole Foods in the area (I love that store) and walking around one of the malls in the area. Eventually though, we made it back home without spending much money which is a good thing when you are putting money away to save for another FET. I did buy a few new lamp shades for our living room lamps, so that was a high light. Silly, I know but as much as I like to make decor changes around the home front, something little like lamp shades which are inexpensive but make a noticeable change make my day.

So now, with a big pot of Cabbage Soup on the stove (yes, I'm starting that diet tomorrow), and the sound of football in the distance I'm guessing my evening is going to consist of nothing super exciting.

Work tomorrow!

My 20 day cycle

Well, today is officially CD3. That means if you are keeping track, last cycle was only 20 days!!! I am not sure if things are trying to get back on track since last cycle was the first since the miscarriage in October, or if the Low Amylose Diet is helping to regulate. I am completely dumbfounded. I did do the Soy Isoflavones last cycle from CD5-CD9. I started progesterone cream on CD12 and have continued that this time even though AF has arrived. Today is 12 days on the cream and I am thinking I will finish up the cream either tonight or tomorrow night.
As for the Soy, I haven't decided if I will do that this cycle or not, but I am convinced that the new low amylose way of living is really helping matters as well.

I have slacked on  vlogging with all the interviews I have been on, and the confusion with the cycles. I hope to get a vlog done tonight. Keeping fingers crossed.

On a high note, after 16 months of being out of work, I start a new job next Monday! I am so thankful for this wonderful blessing. It will help in more ways that I can even mention, but two of the most important ways it will help is 1) Taking the stress off my DH of being the only bread winner around here. 2) Having extra $$ to put away to doing another transfer with our two remaining embies (that is if we don't have a miracle natural bfp).

The Truth about the Insulin Resistance Diet

After following this "link and balance" method for almost two weeks, I have got to say that I "feel" different. Don't get me wrong, I don't expect the pounds to suddenly come melting off and the inches to just vanish over night, but I truly feel so much better. After reading and studying this book for several days, I finally realize just how "food ignorant" I was. One thing that us PCOS women stuggle with so much is our weight and the yo-yo effect of trying just about every fad diet out there.
Insulin Resistance really screws up your metabolism and that's why no matter what we try, we rarely get any true results from any particular diet. Oh sure, we will take off about 14 pounds or so...then nothing, and before you know it, those 14 pounds we lost have come back and brought about 5 or 10 pound friends with them.
I don't know about the rest of you, but I was always told that carbs were what I would have to stay away from...that those are what causes the spikes in our blood sugar and pack on the pounds. It's so hard for me though, because I frequently crave those bad carbs, like pasta, bread, sweets...etc. At times when I have cut out my carbs completely, like when I have done the Atkins diet and things like...I always ALWAYS fail!
BUT....this amazing book (IMHO) really lays it out and finally makes sense to me. Thankfully we can have carbs, but the book tells you to not have any more than 30g of carb at any given time (meal or snack) AND, when you eat those carbs you must also eat protein (14g) to offset the carbs you have eaten. When you have the chance and option to eat low-fat or no-fat things it is best to do so. Another important thing to remember is to not eat more than 30g of carbs within a 2 hour period. Your body makes the decision as to what to store or burn in two hours. If you eat more than 30g of carbs in less than 2 hours...your body is going to tend to store it up as fat.

So...what are some of the things I have eaten on this new plan?

Breakfast: 2 egg or egg substitute (protein) and 1 slice of toast (carb) with water (important not to eat more than 3 egg yolks per week for cholesterol reasons)

Morning Snack: Light & Fit Dannon yogurt (protein) with fruit (grapes, apple slices) (carb)

Lunch: Salad with 2 Tbs light dressing with chicken pieces (protein) (could also add a carb with this as well if you like)

Afternoon Snack: Roasted nuts or cheese (protein) with crackers or fruit (carb)

Dinner: Grilled Chicken or other lean meat (protein), steamed veggies (as much as you want), 1/2 cup mashed potatoes (carb).

Evening snack: 1/2 cup of sugar free ice cream or sherbert

Anyway...this is just an idea of a day's meal. The book gives you a TON of ideas, a list of what is protein or carb as well as what you can have from common fast food restaurants and even packaged meals like Hamburger Helpers, frozen meals, etc.

I'm praying to keep this up even while on our cruise in a couple of weeks. It really shouldn't be a problem because there are a lot of fruits and veggies available.

I should also mention that Ken and I have been going to the gym every night. Sometimes it is hard to find the motivation (the book states that this is a common problem with us PCOS/Insulin Resistant girls). BUT, once we get moving at the gym, things feel good and the motivation comes.

In other words, I would highly recommend anyone who is a fellow PCOS lady to get this book.

Now I am reading PCOS and your Fertility by Collette Harris.

Time to Take CHARGE!!!

Ok, after a couple weeks of grieving and being truly ticked off at our situation and starting an all together new blog that is truly not fertility or TTC related, I have decided that I wasn't done with my journey of trying to conceive. I wasn't going to let this stupid PCOS or Infertility beat me. Granted, I'm what the "book" considers to be AMA, or Advanced Maternal Age and blah blah blah...but I refuse to give up my hope of EVER being a mother. SO, with that being said, I've decided to keep this blog running and dedicate it completely to fertility, my struggles, my triumphs (there better be some coming) and what I'm doing to kick the butt out of this horrible diagnosis!
I will continue with my other blog "Searching Higher Ground", for things not fertility related. I hope that those that follow me here, choose to follow me there, and those that follow me there check in over here from time to time as well. BUT, I'm keeping them separate for those who just aren't interested in the other, if you know what I mean.

Today as I was driving home from dropping my hubby off at work, I just had a revelation, if you will, that God is just not done with me in the regards of trying to have a baby. I thought it was shutting the door about 3 weeks ago, but seriously...I'm a fighter, and he reminded me that all good things are worth fighting for, right?
As soon as I came home, I jumped online to Amazon and Barnes & Noble and pulled up all the books available for women who have PCOS. I knew there were some reference books out there, but I hate NO IDEA that there were so many. So, my first stop today was to B&N to do some looking and thought..."I'll buy a book or two if it seems to have relevant information for us." Wouldn't you know it, they had a total of 5 books that pertained to IF and/or PCOS. I grabbed every single one of them and found a table to sit at to really take a look at what I had in front of me. You should know, in the past I have been an impulse buyer...if the cover looks pertinent, I would buy it....only to find out that it was information I already knew, or didn't even focus on what I was looking for in the first place. So, I figured it was best to waste some time checking them over good, instead of wasting $$ for something that just wasn't going to help me. Besides, who has money to just throw around these days?
No, seriously...I'm asking. I could really use some! haha

Anyway, I ended up purchasing just one book while I was there, something that I felt would get me off on the right foot.
That foot you ask?
DIET & WEIGHTLOSS for those of us who suffer from PCOS!!!

My purchase:

by: Cheryle Hart, MD

This will be my read over the next few days. My plan...to jump start this thing on Monday. So...if I start reading today, I should be able to have the idea of what is good and what I should be doing, diet wise. Get the right groceries by Sunday...and be ready to rock n roll come Monday.

After some additional retail therapy to one of my new favorite stores, Versona, and some other necessary errands, I came back home and jumped back on amazon.com and purchased four other books regarding PCOS. I really can't wait to get them, do my research, and let you know my thoughts on each of them.

I believe I will also start vlogging on youtube again.

Here's to a fresh start....and TAKING CHARGE OF MY INFERTILITY!

 



Infertility weight

Well hello friends!
I've been lacking in blogs and I apologize for that. Honestly, my mind has been elsewhere. BUT, it's that time to update and get focused again.
Last Tuesday I started taking a diet pill to help with some energy and to get a jump start on getting rid of all this infertility weight. You know, the weight that comes along when taking all those prescription medications that are meant to help prepare your body to get pregnant. Well, in my case it was just medications that seemed to have added more junk to my trunk, so to speak!
Before I started these pills, Phentramin-D, I weighed myself and did my measurements so I can log and keep track of my progress. Saturday, after just 4 days of taking these pill, I was down 4 pounds already. Of course some of that is probably water weight, but I'll take it. I will be checking my weight and measurements tomorrow morning after a full week of doing these pills to see where I'm at. I hope to be blogging about some great success with this.

We also had to make the difficult decision Friday to not continue with the Cobra insurance. It was hard to make this decision because it means that we are not going to be able to prepare for a FET anytime soon. This is sad, but I have to continue to believe that we will be parents...that we are MEANT to have a baby, and that the Lord will give us this miracle. If it's in His plan, it will happen one way or another. Either we will find a way to come up with the money to do a transfer ourselves, or we will have our own little miracle. I am not going to let infertility beat me!