New Beginnings

The past few weeks have been a haze for me. I have had moments where I felt completely normal then times where I was just simply numb at what we had been put there. To be quite honest, I don't like what each heartbreak does to not just me, but my husband, my friends and most importantly, my family. They have been so supportive from one struggle to the next and have been praying relentlessly for our hearts to be filled with the love of a baby of our own.
With each slight glimmer of hope, we have joyfully shared the news with our parents, our church family, our close friends...and even people we meet in our day to day lives. They get wrapped up in the excitement of the news of a new baby and make all kinds of plans and purchases with the greatest anticipation, and then... the bottom falls out, the rug gets pulled out from under our feet, and we are faced with another heartbreak and let down. With this last heartbreak, someone was in control of our happiness and our dreams. We put all kinds of trust and hope into someone elses hands, only to be hurt YET AGAIN!
Honestly, I hate what this does to us. It breaks our wills, our trust of others, and takes away our joy that we should have when it really does happen for us. We kind of feel like the boy who cried wolf, and that no one will even be remotely excited for us at any announcement of a "baby on the way".
Isn't that just sad?
I mean, I am not looking for sympathy here. Quite the contrary. I just hate that it hardens our hearts to what should be such an amazing time for us.

That's why we are starting with a new beginning. Great things are to come. I feel the brush of angels wings, and I feel amazingly at peace, even though my heart has been crushed and broken time and time again. I just know that something absolutely beautiful is in our future. However, we have made the conscious decision to keep any "exciting news" to ourselves, at least for the time being. For our own self preservation. For us to avoid any type of negative comments or remarks. Frankly, we don't need them. We have been there, right in the center of it, so we don't need a constant reminder of it. Leave the negativity at the door, is basically my thoughts.

Just know that we are in a happy place right now. I believe that God is listening to our prayers, and just whispering..."BE STILL", so that is what we are going to do.

Heartbreaking News

Hey friends. Just wanted to update you to let you all know that sadly, the adoption fell through. It was ultimately our decision, but as you can imagine it was a difficult one to come to. The little guy was born on March 21st a little after 11pm, and he was healthy. About 5 days prior to his birth, the birth mother became a little wishy washy after a heart to heart with the baby daddy. Supposedly, he had been manipulating her through this whole pregnancy, making her think that if she went ahead with the adoption that they would be able to start a relationship again when in all actuallity his plan was to hit the bricks as soon as the baby was born an he signed over his rights for the adoption. Although she wasn't coming right out to tell me that she reconsidered...my heart and gut just had that feeling. To be honest, I think that she expects to have a forever hold on him with keeping the baby.
I can't understand why the Lord takes us down these roads sometimes and why we face heartbreak after heartbreak...but I am keeping my faith that something better is just around the corner.

Thank you for your prayers.

In God's Time

Well, I know that I have been keeping some hanging onto the edge of their seats for this "so-called" big announcement. So...without further lingering...

In just a little of three short weeks, we will be welcoming a new addition. Our little miracle, thanks to the beautiful gift of adoption.

We feel so incredibly blessed and are thanking God daily for this amazing gift. You know, it's crazy how you put so much into trying to have a baby. All the needles, doctors appointments, strict regiments to try to be successful. Then, after all the years and tears and heartbreak, God taps you on the shoulder and says, "I have better things planned for you". My wonderful husband says it best..."God doesn't work things out for the good of one, but for the good of MANY". This little baby needed a loving home. Parents who would adore and cherish the blessing of having a child of their own...even if their blood didn't flow through his veins. The birth mother of this baby, needed the reassurance that this little one would be loved and cared for and have what it needed, knowing that she couldn't provide that for him. Praise God that she didn't decide to terminate this pregnancy early on.

There is no denying that this is a little boy, and we have chosen the name: Dalton Kain.

She is scheduled to be induced on March 28th, so in just a little over 3 weeks, we will have a little baby in our arms.

I'm so excited and there is so much to share, but that is my announcement for today.

Thank you for your continued prayers during this time.